Am not dead. Family is being torn in two. Illness everywhere. Almost committed murder. Lost fifteen pounds. Just finished two bags of sunflower seeds. Mother is incredibly zen considering all the crap going on. Am afraid to leave my room. Internet avaliability: Small.

SOMEONE FANGIRL THE WORLD ENDS WITH YOU WITH ME.

My priorities are completely in order. What are you talking about?

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Hey, you. Yes, you. The one sitting in front of the computer and typing this. Guess what? You’re lazy.

Oh, I know you know. I mean, I’m you. It’d be pretty bad if I didn’t know that you know that you’re lazy, right? But, see, here’s the thing. Do you know why you’re lazy? Of course you do; if you didn’t, I wouldn’t be typing this up for you right now.

You’re bored right now. No, correction. You were bored, but then I started writing this letter for you. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not writing this to entertain you. I’m writing this because you need some sense slapped- Sorry, not strong enough- pummeled into you.

You’re lazy. Okay, you know this.

You’re lazy because being lazy is easy. Now you’re getting a little bit confused, right? Well, just think about it. You’re on the computer. You’re sitting down, in your nice, comfortable rolling chair. It’s easy to do that. Even though you’re bored, you remain in front of the computer because it’s comfortable and easy.

See? You’re lazy because being lazy is easy. It’s easier to sit down and waste your time online than to get up and do something. That may work now, but it sure as hell won’t work when you’re out and about on your own. Know why? Of course you know. You’ve just been ignoring it because you’re in denial. Hypocrite; you constantly think that you’re better than your peers because you think you aren’t in denial of the world out there. Guess what? You are in denial, and you have less experience than the “commoners” that you find beneath you. You, madame, are in fact beneath them when it comes to life experience.

Yeaaaah, that hurt, didn’t it? Good. You need to toughen up. You have a spine; use it. Stand up straight, look at the world around you, and take whatever it throws at you. You can’t do that if you’re lazy, though.

Don’t tell me you’re bored and you have nothing to do. That’s a bunch of lies you tell yourself to justify being lazy. It may work on you, but it won’t work on me.

So this is what you do. Stop being lazy. Stop being a coward. If you want to be “better” than everyone else- and I don’t see why; there’s nothing wrong with being normal- then you better shape up. Don’t take the easy way out; life never takes the easy way out. Living isn’t easy. Existing is easy, living is difficult. That’s your favorite saying, right?

Don’t you think it’s about time you followed that?

I’m going to press Publish, and when that’s done, you’ll be back in control. Now, after that, I want you to do something. Get up. Move around. Clean the house. Wash the dishes. Anything. Just don’t sit in front of the computer and waste the little time you have.

And if you’re ever feeling lazy or bored again, I want you to come back and read this. You know what I said is true, and that hurts. It’s going to keep hurting until you change how handle life.

Now, go.