Checkpoint
Ah, I always forget to write in this blog, despite fiddling with my LiveJournal so much. Then again, I didn’t post much in my LJ this month, so maybe that can count as an excuse.
Who am I kidding. I’m just lazy.
But, with my first year of college drawing to an end, I do want to reflect on the past year a bit. This time last year, I was excited about being admitted into Pitt. In fact, I don’t think I even knew I was accepted yet! I’m pretty sure my letter of acceptance came on the twentieth.
A year ago, I was more introverted. Senior year was good for me, as it helped me socialize like a normal person did. I hung out with my friends for the first time ever, went places without my mother, and even lived by myself for a month. All those experiences helped me overcome my biggest obstacle in life: avoidance.
I’m not a person that actively seeks social interaction. I had to be dragged out. I was much more content staying in with only my computer company.
It’s changed now. I like going out. I like spending time with my friends and acting like idiots. It’s fun! It’s fufilling! What’s most surprising for me, though, is how much I actually love social interaction. On the other hand, I find it difficult to socialize online now, but in all honesty, I’d take face to face interaction over online interaction any day.
I also did something this past year that I wouldn’t have though about doing before: performing. I found that I love acting. I love singing. I love being on stage. I always knew I was a bit histronic, but my lack of self confidence and shyness prevented me from doing what I really wanted to do. Taking Intro to Performance was the best thing that happened to me this year. I got over my shyness and insecurities (Maybe too much; I’m arrogant now). Beyond that, though, I found that I was good at it. My performance teacher praised me, and he even recommended for a private acting workshop. I auditioned for a play, and even though I didn’t get the part, got called back. I participated in an improv show, and while I was nervous, found that my mind was capable of thinking on the fly while on stage.
That led to me being able to express myself more freely. I hate confrontation, and I used to do anything to avoid it. For the most part, that meant shutting up and very rarely expressing my opinions on things. I’m still a bit tight lipped, but I’ve opened up a lot as well. I’m not afraid to say things now, and that’s done wonders for my mental stability. I’ve accepted who I am and my thoughts. I’m not afraid of there being conflict anymore. I can handle conflict better.
Being at Pitt also opened my eyes a lot. Pitt’s an urban college, with people from just about everywhere. Sure, there are people who annoy me a lot, but I’ve found that I can now relate to people that I would have never even spoken to in high school. The fact that people are people and just people has settled in my mind better now.
I’ve also gotten a better idea about what my limits are and what my priorities are as well. I’ve sampled classes from my potential majors, and while I’m actually a bit lost now on what to do, I also know that I’m fully capable of doing it if I really wanted to. My original plans have already been thrown out, but at the same time I’ve gotten a better idea of what I want. It’s strange to be directionless and so goal oriented at the same time, but it works, too. My love for some things have been reassured, while for others, I’ve found that my interest in the subject is too narrow or limited to serve me for a major and/or career.
And this is all in the first year.
I don’t think I’ve matured a lot. I know I haven’t. I realized a lot of things about myself and my surroundings, but I’m still young and ignorant about the world. I’m fine with that, though. Part of growing up is to go at your own pace. If you go too fast, you’ll miss all the important points of life that aren’t as obvious.
I’ve got three more years- maybe more if I decide to stay for the heck of it- to figure out the beginning of my life. I’ve got thousands of more things to experience. I’m fine with not being mentally mature yet, and that, I think, is the most important lesson of all.
